As a student, I always struggled to understand why the long-awaited post-exam `free' days were the most boring. It simply didn't make sense. We were free, with no deadlines, no exam stress, no performance anxiety and all the free time to do whatever we wanted be it endlessly watching movies, reading books, hanging out with friends, or lazing around. Later on, after becoming a parent myself and watching my children go through similar feelings I came to realize that a difficult, long, and tiring journey is better than one where there is no destination. We humans are programmed this way. We not only seek direction but also a destination, which ideally connects that direction based on a purpose. This purpose is our WHY. We need this WHY for the smallest of things, like moving an obstacle away from a road, to the biggest of things, like what to do with our life. The problem is that the bigger the task, in terms of risk, duration, complexity, commitment), the more important this WHY becomes. Moreover, in such a situation, we humans don't settle for unconvincing answers. This means, that if you ask a person to commit or risk his life, he will most probably not settle for a meager paycheck, rather you will have to bolster him with lots of motivation through other, more compelling reasons.
Now the first question that comes to mind from this discussion is What is the biggest WHY of one's life? Undoubtedly, it is finding out why one was created. In other words, What is the purpose of our existence? Not knowing the correct answer to this question can actually give rise to something called an existential crisis↗, a condition very well-researched in psychology. This invariably leads to meaninglessness, which opens the door to all kinds of negative feelings and behaviors. The WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) countries, despite their material progress and affluence, are more affected by such phenomena, due to the dominance of secularism in their societies. Looking at the depression and suicide statistics of the USA one realizes how dismal the state of affairs actually is. More than 1 in 6 adults have depression↗ as rates rise to record levels in the US. From 2011 to 2022, over half a million lives (539,810) were lost to suicide, with 2022 showing the highest number of deaths↗ on record. Studies establish that lack of purpose↗ if not the main reason, is at least a catalyst in this trend. Whereas the health benefits of a higher sense of purpose are also well-established and non-controversial. For instance, adults with a higher sense of purpose in life were found to have a decreased risk of developing weak grip strength and slow walking speed↗. Similar studies have found that a higher sense of purpose also correlates to reduced risks of disability, stroke, heart disease, sleep issues, and other health problems. To make sense of these studies, imagine yourself on the pitch in the midst of a cricket match. Now imagine you don't know which team you belong to, you have no idea what the score is and above all, you don't know which format you are playing (T20, ODI, or Test match). You have a lot of talent, but can you utilize any of it without knowing why exactly you were sent to the pitch? Of course not, rather it will lead to frustration and anxiety. The same happens to us humans when we become adults without `discovering' the reason for our creation. I intentionally use the word discover because we don't need to invent or reinvent it, it was always there. Before we discuss what the true purpose is, let's briefly agree on who is the most qualified to decide that.
You will definitely agree that the purpose of anything and everything can only be set by its manufacturer. Yes, you could still use a screwdriver to hammer in nails and a hammer to drive in screws, but that would be suboptimal, to say the least, and perhaps even be damaging and categorized as misuse. What does that mean for humans? It means that if we are sincerely interested in finding our purpose, we need to refer to the manufacturer, the Creator, Allah (swt). Otherwise, we might get quite busy and occupied, but without any real meaning. Moreover, in a large percentage such meaningless will lead to depression, suicides and other negative outcomes, as discussed above.
Another interesting feature of humans is that clarity with regards to your life's biggest WHY, i.e. your purpose leads to intrinsic motivation - internal and personal reasons like a sense of accomplishment or meaningfulness for doing something. On the other hand, extrinsic motivations like paycheck or recognition are comparably very weak and unsustainable.
So what is the purpose set by our Creator? Has He (swt) even set one or are we free to do whatever we like with our lives? As Allah (swt) talks to us through the Qur'an, let's consider what He (swt) has to say, particularly the following two Ayaat are very relevant to this discussion:
أَفَحَسِبْتُمْ أَنَّمَا خَلَقْنَـٰكُمْ عَبَثًۭا وَأَنَّكُمْ إِلَيْنَا لَا تُرْجَعُونَ ١١٥
"Did you then think that We had created you without purpose and that you would never be returned to Us?" (TMQ Al-Mu'minun:115)
وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ ٥٦
"I did not create jinn and humans except to worship Me." (TMQ Ad-Dhariyat:56)
Do we require any other answer about this subject after reading this? I don't think so. The only clarity needed by some might be to define the scope of `worship Me' (liya'budun). Of course we know from the life of the Prophet, his Sunnah, his Seerah, the lives of the Sahabah and the various tafaseer that this is referring to complete submission to Allah (swt) and adoption a lifestyle as prescribed by Him, be it our individual matters or collective ones, be it our spiritual matters or the more worldly ones.
Once we have discovered our biggest WHY, the next discussion which automatically ensues is that of what are some other big WHYs in our life. One could rightly think about WHY choose a particular career, WHY choose a particular spouse and so on. The one that tops this charts for parents is of course what is the WHY of parenting. What is my ultimate objective of my parenting? How does that connect to the purpose of my life (worshipping Allah)? If we get this straight, our parenting will have the right direction, correct destination, plentiful motivation and the necessary meaningfullness. All four of these elements are important for any journey, but even more so for a long and tiring journey with lots of ups and downs. Even if you think from a purely worldly sense, aren't your children your life's most important and costly project? Your biggest `investment' with the potential to give the biggest `return'?
Getting back to the Creator Himself, let's see what guidance we can get with regards to the WHY of our parenting. Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an:
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ قُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًۭا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلْحِجَارَةُ
"O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones..." (At-Tahrim:6)
So the Ayah above actually leaves no room for ambiguity with regards the purpose and goal of our parenting, saving our children from hellfire. This of course requires equipping them with the right Aqeedah (creedal concepts), nurturing a healthy self-esteem, developing their Aqliyah (intellect) and instilling the correct nafsiyah (disposition).
May Allah (swt) grant us the power, wisdom and patience to make our children His (swt) obedient servants.
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